Dear RSPCA Pet Insurance,
My name is Oscar Bailey Wright, and I'm a 10 month old Maltese-Shihtzu puppy. Although my name is Oscar, I answer to lots of other names too. My mum is particularly fond of "that fucking dog", whereas Dad is more fond of "asshole". I've been told I'm quite naughty, but I'm not too sure why!
Mum and Dad keep talking about how they've 'lodged so many claims' and I'm guessing that's got something to do with me, because, well, you're a PET insurance company... and I'm a pet!
I'm sorry we have to keep making claims. It's not really my fault. I was only young when my left leg completely crapped out on me. I think it had something to do with that time I jumped off the couch and hurt my foot, because after that it hurt like hell until those vets put me to sleep and I woke up with an annoying green thing on my leg. And then today, I made a new friend in the yard. He was small and buzzing around in the grass, so I did the only logical thing there was to do, and tried to eat him. And you know what that bastard did? STUNG ME IN MY MOUTH. Honestly RSPCA, I nearly died, Mum was shaking me in the car and everything. I even crapped on the vet's scales in the waiting room. Could've died of embarrassment.
In my defence, I swear I heard my biggest sister say "eat the bee Oscar!", although I have since been informed she said "DON'T eat the bee Oscar!"
I think Mum is worried you think they're mistreating me; you don't have to worry about that. I only have to give my oldest sister a few seconds of puppy eyes and she shares her ice-cream with me. And I'm good at melting hearts. My dad wasn't too fond of me when I first came home with my family, but now he's my best friend. I'm just a bit too adventurous for them I think.
So don't worry RSPCA. My family are the best.
But keep an ear out for me. Because Mum says if I dig one more hole in the yard, Dad is going to turn it into my grave.
Love and lots of sloppy kisses,
Oscar
